Good Mourning

I was a bit of a wreck yesterday. And a bit weepy. Maybe the planets weren't aligned properly, causing some inexplicable gravitational pull, sending my emotions afloat. You know, dogs and cats living together--mass hysteria!! Okay, maybe not quite that afloat.

Or maybe I was just a little hormonal.

Or perhaps it was a lethal combination of finishing my current book club book, The Last Days of Dogtown, with some unpleasant news at my Weight Watchers meeting. Whatever it was, I was feeling all sorts of sad and defeated last night.

When I get into a book, and I mean really get into it where it's a true, sublime joy to open and read, I get very attached to fictional characters. Whether it takes me a day to finish a book, or a week, or a month, those characters are what I eat, sleep, and breathe. They are my escape, my freedom from reality. My friends. When I'm consumed with them, there are no bills to stress over, no worrying about weight, no missing my mother and wishing so badly she were still here. I'm somewhere else.

So when the time comes to finish the book, for it to end, I am always sad. I actually feel like I have to mourn the loss of the book and of my friends. Sure, I can always go back and reread it again, but the experience is never quite the same the second time around. Discovering new places and characters for the first time, where they become a part of you, is sort of like a first kiss. You can kiss a person again and again, but that first kiss will always hold a dose of magic that cannot be repeated. I once described my passion for books to my girlfriends, explaining how certain stories and its characters become a part of one's soul, and they laughed at me. Hmph. Yeah, love you guys too. Remind me to never discuss books with you ever again...

The next wave of sadness came at my Weight Watchers meeting. I almost skipped the meeting, but I'm glad I decided not to. My meeting leader, Carol, regretfully announced to us that it was her last night. She wants to spend more time with her family while her teenage daughter is still home. I completely get that and understood, but I'll admit, I was extremely disappointed. I've had Carol as my leader for over a year now and I was really looking forward to reaching goal under her guide. She assured us that we will see her occasionally because she is going to stay on as a sub for the new leader who starts next week. I suppose it's better than nothing. I'll just have to remember to stay open-minded because our new leader could end up being just as good as Carol. Let's hope so, anyway!

Between being weepy over the very sad book and the even sadder meeting, I just wanted to go home and curl up next to David on the couch. Then I remembered, David had open house at his school and was going to be home late. Nella wanted nothing to do with my pitiful mood. She was far too engrossed in tearing her stuffed duck's insides to shreds--I guess she decided he needed to die a slow death--and barking at every single person who walked by outside like a maniac. Sometimes I so wish I had her life...

So I had nothing but Family Guy reruns to help raise my spirits. Shockingly, that didn't even work, and Family Guy always gets me laughing and smiling...you know, because filthy, politically incorrect toilet humor just does that to me...I was just absolutely down in the dumps, despite having a great weight loss week and everything. Just for the record, I've lost 67 pounds now...

I was so grateful when David finally arrived home. I had tried calling him to find out where he was because usually he doesn't get as trapped at open house as the classroom teachers do since he teaches art, but I was having trouble reaching him. I clearly recall now that he told me he wouldn't be leaving till around 7:30 or even 8:00, but last night in my needy, pathetic mood I was remembering no such thing. I just knew I was feeling down and I desperately wanted his comfort. This is where I got really irrational and started convincing myself he'd gotten in an accident and was lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Yeah, looking at my female calender today, my behavior is starting to make a lot of sense, if you get my meaning...

So of course I felt utterly foolish when he called to tell me he was on his way home. He felt bad that I had been worried, but he was with a parent when I tried calling him, which was why he couldn't answer. Yeah...definitely felt foolish. But it is amazing how fast a ridiculous mood, like the one I was in, can lift. All it took was him walking in the door and simply being present to make me be rational again. And to think, this all started merely with a sad, very moving book!

Today I'm my normal self again. Just happy that it's Friday.



















Happy that I have book club tomorrow night.


















Happy that David texted me this picture today of a polar bear diving just because he knows I love polar bears.



























And happy that despite the horrendous water bill I received this month, we finally have healthy, green grass again.






















Like I always say, it's the little things that make life wonderful.